Apple is Going to Take Over the World, Google & Research in Motion Have Become Obsolete

Having just finished watching Apple’s latest keynote speech at their yearly event I’m not only sure that Apple is going to take over the world, I’m HIV positive. I see a bright future filled with utility from a single device that is no longer beyond our imaginations, but instead just around the corner. I was recently watching an interview with a financial analyst walking the road less traveled by speaking poorly of Apple. His clearly illogical rant stressed it was ludicrous that the market is so focused on a company that makes toys (AAPL is consistently one of the most traded stocks on the market by volume) when the world is suffering from an energy crisis and a shortage of natural resources like we’ve never experienced in the history of the planet. I’ll tell you why Douche Baggins. Apple may have been in the toy business for a while when they staged their comeback with the iPod, but no more. The iPhone is a new beast, the likes of which this world has never seen; it is most certainly not a toy. In a few short weeks the iPhone will turn one year old, as well as expand into 70 countries. Trust me, year two will see exponential growth, as well as function in specific sectors that will improve the efficiency of every user. Let me take you through my day… in the future.

After performing my morning rituals, I grab my iPhone and leave the house with nothing else in my pockets. After I walk out the front door I slide over to the fourth screen of Apps on my trusty iPhone and select the application “House.” I then tap the “off” button next to the option “all lights” and then tap the “lock” button next to the option “all doors.” As I reach for my car door it senses the iPhone in my pocket and unlocks automatically. My favorite part about the future is my brand new iCar, which runs on a combination of electricity and a bioethanol blend made from algae. I slide my iPhone into the dash to start the car, which has a multi-touch screen with all the music / web browsing / GPS / email / every other iPhone feature fully integrated into the system of the car. Pierce Brosnan’s voice directs me to a restaurant to meet a friend for breakfast. I switched to Pierce after a brief stint with The Governator. I was sick of being told that “I’d be back.” After a delicious breakfast, paid for by swiping my iPhone, I head to my parents house.

My father is raving about a new application he downloaded to his iPhone that syncs up with his hearing aid. He can adjust the volume, check battery life and turn it on or off with a few simple clicks. He loves to play music through it wirelessly while he’s biking or at the gym. My mother recently had a pacemaker put in. She feels safe because she can check to make sure its working correctly right on her phone, with full confidence that if anything were to malfunction the iPhone would automatically alert the paramedics and her family. She can even pull up a live EKG of her own heart, which she loves to show all her friends.

I sit down at my Dad’s iMac and head to, where I can access all of my desktop features remotely, including all of my most used applications. I make some changes in my schedule for the day because I’m running late, as well as trade an Umphrey’s McGee show for a Grateful Dead show with my Dad’s collection. All of the changes I make are then updated on my iPhone, Desktop PC and Macbook Crisp (the latest iteration of the Air) automatically. On my way to work I listen to my newly acquired Dead show.

I’ve decided to make my future self a doctor, even though I have no intention of ever doctoring it up. The best word to describe the hospital I work at is synchronized. For each individual sector of the hospital there are specific iPhone apps that tailor to the needs of the employees and doctors. Everyone working in each of the hospital’s wings is fully up to date on every patient with live updates to their iPhones with more detailed information just a tap away. My secretary is constantly buying and selling crap on Ebay although it rarely deteriorates from her work since its so simple on her iPhone. I think she makes more money as an Ebay hock than working her day job. My hospital’s native iPhone applications include:

  • The Automatic Insurance Generator – emails all necessary information to patients
  • Medication Cross Checker – cross checks any prescriptions I may want to give with the patient’s allergies or other medications using the largest medical database in the world
  • Comprehensive Scheduling – a fine tuned scheduler synced with every other doctor in the area that automatically updates into the hospitals system

In the future the iPhone is no longer just 28% of the smart phone market. I believe 89% is the last figure Steve Jobs quoted at his most recent keynote. And did I mention the smart phone market has quintupled since 2008. With most of the world choosing the iPhone for their ubiquitous single device it only made sense that the rest of their highly compatible product line would see huge surges in sales. Apple’s has become the industry standard for online applications, an area many thought Google would dominate. Research in Motion’s Blackberry no longer holds the clout it once held since Apple took over the corporate market with Microsoft Exchange compatibility and customized applications for individual companies. I’ll let you guess the take home message of this post. It rhymes with “Why Snapple Lock”. The App Store launches later this month, and the iPhone 3G will be out in early July. My day in the future may not be too far away.

– Rich

Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 11:00 am  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I love you’re future, I would like to know what you think of the new iPhone?

  2. Is the message of the post “Fly Crapple Cock”? Cause that rhymes man

  3. You got it Meller, you win the prize. Its an iDick. It allows you to suck Steve Job’s dick wirelessly right from your home. Congratulations!

  4. Nice day Rich. Can you write a night review too? thanks

  5. he already talked about the night review in his comment, he goes home and remotely fellates Steve jobs, probably works a little butthole pleasure in there too. I can’t really hate though, as I am writing this comment from the beach on my iPhone.

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