Let me tell you about my first time at a strip club. Rich and I were living in Tokyo at the time and we were taking a Japanese course with a bunch of foreign kids. In our class sat a 30 something Nigerian who dressed to kill and flashed a smile you’d go gay for (no homo) and went by the name of Pius. We befriended Pius in this class because he was the sweetest most genuine hearted man we had ever met. Have you ever met someone and after only a short conversation you think to yourself: what an upstanding human being? Well, that’s exactly how I felt when I met Pius.
By night we frequented the bar scene in Tokyo, a place known as Roppongi. Roppongi reeks of corruption. The streets are filled with one-eyed Nigerians passing out club flyers, tiny Japanese women offering massages (handjobs). My first thought was: “Our dear Pius, he makes ends meet in the city to pursue a proper education and rise above the plight. How admirable.” Pius then casually mentioned that he was the owner of the club. Still, I thought he was covering up his modest gig. Then he told us to come by on Friday, open bar and all.
So… Rich the hippy, Evan the middle aged black woman magnet, Chris the Irishman, Christine the Italian, Shavonne the Haitian, Martha the Columbian, and Elly the native, all decided to go out and hang at Pius’s club. This eclectic cadre was all living in an apartment building together, basically a twisted episode of real world Tokyo. We entered the first club “Kama-Sutra” and Pius sits us down in an empty room with disco lights and bar. It’s 11:30 and the club is empty, but it certainly is an aesthetically pleasing place. An interesting side note: this ridiculous weird movie where a human has a baby with an alien is being projected on the wall. Pius has other business to attend to so he introduces us to his colleague Fabian. Fabian is from Guyana and is all pimped out in designer clothes and has a disturbing scar down his face (pictured below).
After a bunch of free booze, free hookah, and free snacks, Fabian informs us it’s time to see some free titties, so we walk with the gang to Pius’s strip club. I ask Pius to take a picture with me but he refuses. I try to take a picture when he’s not looking but he’s too quick with it and dodges the shot. The photograph below is the only picture I’ve got of Pius. The fact that he refused to have his photo taken certainly raised my suspicions that something here was amiss.
We enter the strip club and there are all kinds of naked Vietnamese women swaying back and forth. I must say on a personal note that prior to this I had never actually been to a strip club. Subsequently, I must say that Vietnamese strippers give the worst lap dances of any race. Martha discretely bought me a dance so the stripper approaches me, places her hands on my shoulders and just shakes and giggles. All I could say thanks to my limited Japanese vocabulary was “Doko kara deska?” which translates to “Where are you from?” She assumes I speak Japanese and starts rattling off some detailed answer I can’t understand instead of paying attention to what really matters, my junk.
It is worthy to note at this time that everyone at the club has referred to Pius as “Francis” which became very confusing. Fabian invites Rich back to the VIP room and opens a box filled with Meth, coke, pills, uppers, downers, LOTS of drugs all scattered about. Rich asked the only question he could ask a scarred man with a box of drugs. Fabian immediately scoffed at the request; weed was totally out of the question.
Clearly Pius was not the man we thought he was. Fabian later divulged to us that all four of Pius’s clubs are fronts and that he’s got connections with the Yakuza, the Japanese mafia. He’s also got like 3 wives,and he’d kill you in a second if you crossed him. I’ll be perfectly honest with you though, with that lulling Nigerian accent and that charming smile, I would leave it all to work for Pius.
All nights must end at some point and this one was no different. I passed out on my bed and Rich and Elly spent their first night together in a bed barely 2 feet from mine in our tiny Japanese abode. They’ve been together for about 16 months now. Thank you Pius / Francis for one of the craziest nights of my life.
– Evan
The Trifecta 